This is my life

I love my kids. I love My Hubs. Life is exhausting and chaotic and messy and I wonder if it will ever be different or easier; I wonder if my house will ever be tidy, but it’s where we’re at right now and we’re in it together, me and Hubs. And that’s all that matters.

Our attempts at a family photo. Chance was not interested…

How dare you

To the bastards who tried to steal stuff from under our house last night,

How dare you. How dare you come into our home and help yourself to what isn’t yours.

How dare you fill me with fear and dread in my own home.

How dare you ruin the wonderful night out we had just been on to kick off Hubs’ birthday week.

Every noise I hear, my heart skips a beat and I want to run to the kids room to check on them.

How dare you make me worry about my kids even more than I already do, every second of every day.

How dare you make me feel like I need to lock my windows and deadbolt the doors.

How dare you make me feel like I want to move out of my own house.

Just how dare you.

Wifey

Thank you, God

I’ve been remembering back to when Chance was a baby, and how hard that first year felt. He was not a sleeper and I was up every night with him a number of times, feeding him back to sleep, placing him gently back in his cot, and creeping out without making a sound. I distinctly remember getting back into bed each time and so often thinking “please God don’t let him wake up for the rest of the night.” Or “please God help him sleep through.” Over and over, night after night this went on. For the first year in fact. Begging for more sleep “Please God let me get more sleep.”

This time around things are different. I still get woken up multiple times a night by various children, but as I get back into bed, each time my thoughts are more along the lines of “Thank you, God.”

I have so much to be thankful for every single day and I’m finally acknowledging it. I was trying to keep a daily gratitude journal but the forced writing just annoyed me. I love this way much more. Even though there’s no record of my gratitude, I’m feeling it in my heart more and more. I’m appreciating things more. It has been such a small shift in my way of thinking but it’s making a huge difference.

Thank you God for my beautiful children.

Thank you God for my friend Jess coming up to help me this weekend.

Thank you God for Jess doing my three baskets full of folding.

Thank you God that I’ve been able to feed all of my babies with no trouble.

Thank you God for Hubs who is such a wonderful man and fantastic Dadda.

And the list goes on. I truly have all the treasures I could ever ask for.

4 weeks

It’s been slow and glorious with Hubs around for the last three weeks and Mum before that. We are soaking up all the goodness. My little super hero.

We had quite a crowd of friends over today to officially welcome him (show day holiday up here) and wet his head. Brunch turned into lunch which turned into afternoon drinks which turned into dinner for the kids and us saying goodbye to the last people around 7pm. Just the kind of day we love.

Suits and Savvy B

Just enjoying another solo parenting win with some Suits and wine. I love Suits – is there a better opening theme song? Scrubs is pretty awesome too. But the Greenback Boogie always gets me clicking my fingers and Harvey Specter puts a spring in one’s step 😉

First solo night

I’m not going to lie. I was a little nervous about my first afternoon and evening flying solo. But as Hubs left for work at 3:20pm and wished me luck, I said “aaaaah it’s only 4 hours til bed time!” And that actually made me feel better!

Thankfully Jules is a pretty cruisey baby, but there were a few times where there was a lot going on and he would start up as well. He’s pretty easily pleased (cuddles and boob) so we made it through without too much drama.

We even got crafty!

Dinner went well with all three of them liking and eating their tacos, and bath time was smooth easy too. Julius wanted to be part of story time so I had all four of them listening in. I wish I had a photo of that. It felt nice.

I made sure I was taking a lot of mindful deep breaths and using a calm voice when things got a little hairy. If I felt myself getting worked up I was able to walk away for a minute to regroup. I was pretty proud of this, as today I wasn’t so in control of my emotions. But I guess when you have backup in the form of your husband, you can lose your sh*t a bit and know he will be there to help pick up the pieces. When you’re flying solo, you just gotta deal.

And since I had a hot dinner sitting on my lap and a glass of wine poured by 7:45pm I think I dealt pretty well.

Four kids? No worries.

More random thoughts

Me: “I’m just so exhausted and I don’t really know why.”

My friend: “Ummm you have a newborn?”

Me: “Yeah but I’m emotionally exhausted. It’s like I think of something that would be fun to talk to Hubs about but then I don’t even have the energy to bring it up in conversation.”

I know that the first 6-12 weeks of new baby-ness is draining, and I guess I thought since I have a more positive attitude this time around, I wouldn’t find it so tiring. Maybe those expectations were a bit far-fetched. Maybe I can still enjoy and adore these precious days with Jules and Hubs and the kids and still accept that is going to take it out of me. The important thing is re-filling my tank so I can keep up with it all.

Hubs is off again for most of this week, so it’s time to get a few things in place for when he’s not around every day. Number one on my hit list, I’m sad to say, is my laundry habits. My current system of washing 2-3 times a week isn’t keeping up with the demand so I need to go to every second day. This fills me with dread but I need to change my attitude to just get it done… tomorrow…

10 things on the 10th

Random edition

1. Quinn spilled some of her chocolate ice cream on her foot last night while watching our Friday night movie. I thought I had cleaned it all up. This morning the kids were running around and she scraped her foot and insisted it was bleeding and that she needed a band-aid. I was busy with Julius and (knowing it wasn’t serious by the lack of screaming and “the tone”) I asked Chance to get the band-aid she was asking for. When I went in a few minutes later, I saw that the “blood” was actually the “chocolate ice cream” from last night. She was adamant. I let her put her two band-aids on and called it a win.

2. We were chatting to our neighbour who has some time off next week and was trying to decide where to travel to. We suggested a few places, when Hubs chimed it. “You know what the best holiday I’ve had in the last five years has been?” A few things sprang to mind for me – the week in Melbs without the kids being at the top of my list. His answer? “The last two weeks here at home.” I almost burst. It was just the loveliest thing to hear.

3. I don’t want Hubs to go back to work, like ever. I can honestly say that the last two weeks have, in fact, been two of the best weeks of our family life. He has been his usual superstar Dadness, doing the school run every morning and afternoon, parenting Quinn and Darby for the rest of the day, taking the kids to the playground after school, and just generally doing anything and everything I ask of him. I know that in the first few weeks of having a baby that a lot of Dads are “expected” to do these things, and maybe it’s nothing special, but honestly it’s times like these that I know I chose the right man to spend my life with. And look, of course he has driven me absolutely crazy at times with his ways of doing things, but that’s life isn’t it!? I know I have driven him equally crazy, but at the end of every day, there are cuddles and kisses and loving words, and that’s what matters the most.

4. The phrase “Mama we need you” is never a good thing for me to hear.

5. I really want to grow herbs but I know that my laziness and apathy towards any kind of plant-related matters will always be my downfall.

6. Darby’s toilet training is going surprisingly and exceptionally well. We have been nappy-free (except for nap and sleep time) for a week with only one accident. Compared to Chance’s toilet-training experience, (aka disaster on my part) the thought of which brings a twitch to my eye, this is a breeze. Fingers crossed!

Captain Underpants in all his glory, with two of his “poo toys” (Gups from Octonauts)

7. It’s getting “cold” up here. Ha ha ha.

8. Chance had told me that it was “dress like a Pirate day” at school on Friday, but it wasn’t until 11:30am on Friday that I saw the email (from the day before) reminding me about it. He hadn’t dressed like a pirate and I felt really bad that I hadn’t remembered. So I decided to take his pirate shirt in, and “be his hero” (inspired by this post from Kelly at Be a Fun Mum) and the smile on his face was totally worth it.

Don’t have a photo of pirate day, but here’s a cute photo of Chance and Darby playing the “cuddle game”.

9. People without kids just don’t get what it’s like to have kids, and that is okay. It’s really okay. I’ve finally come to a place of peace about that. I know I didn’t get it until we had Chance, even though I thought I would understand, and I don’t know what it’s like to parent a teenager (yet), even though I have kids of my own. I guess it’s true of any life circumstances; until you experience it first hand, it’s hard to know exactly what it’s like.

10. Aaaaaaaaaah my baby Julius. I am so in love with this little man. I said to Hubs the other day that I wondered if it would still be such a big deal for me when it’s baby number four, and it just totally is. I cannot get enough of his little face and tiny feet and baby hands and lamby-cry. I am just so bat-shit crazy in love with him. I stare at him and wonder; will he be like either of his brothers, who are so incredibly different from each other? Will he be like his sister? His Dadda? What will he pick up from me? Or will he just be completely different from all of us? I’m just in awe of this gorgeous little beauty that Hubs and I brought into the world. It’s nice to feel that feeling all over again, I have to say.